Ask Lynn: Advice on love

By Lynn Harris Dear Lynn,
I have an attraction to an ex-professor. We talk a lot at school but I want to see what would happen if I did ask him to dinner or something. I would say we’re platonic friends now and are no longer part of a student/teacher dynamic. He was only my teacher once and that was two years ago. He is eloquent, athletic, sophisticated, intelligent and pretty much everything I want in a man. When we talk, I do notice him checking me out and other little things that hint at his attraction to me. So is it OK to ask him out to dinner? We have lots in common and I’m sure we could build on those shared interests. What do you think?
– Former Student in Florida

Dear Former Student,
Here are the circumstances under which you should not ask your professor out:

1. He/She is currently your professor.
2. He/She is currently in a relationship with someone else.
3. He/She is known for inappropriate dalliances with students (documented, not just rumored), but you think your relationship would be “different.”
4. He/She is currently giving you a D, and you’d like to improve your grade.

You don’t seem to have any of those problems. I would say your path is pretty clear—at least to drinks or dinner somewhere other than a university cafeteria. This green light has just a hint of yellow in it: In all potential relationships with potential power issues and/or potential ripples into a community, even small ones, one has to proceed with a teeny bit more caution than normal. You already sound like you’re doing that, having written to me rather than having shown up at his office wearing a college sweatshirt (and only a college sweatshirt). In other words, sounds to me like you’re working just the right balance of appropriately sensible and genuinely giddy.

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My only question, and it’s a minor one, is why he hasn’t asked you out yet. Chances are, now that I think about it — if he is indeed interested, and he does seem to show signs — that he is being super-duper careful and waiting for that green light from you. After all, he’s the one who’d look like he’s macking on a student. It’s a little less untoward, I suppose, to wait for you to make a move.

So go for it. Good luck. I commend both your caution and your willingness to step up and ask out. No matter what happens, A for effort!

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Lynn Harris is cocreator, with Chris Kalb, of the award-winning website BreakupGirl.net. She’s also the author of Death By Chick Lit and has written for Salon.com, Glamour and the New York Times, among other publications. Submit your own dating questions for Lynn at bg@breakupgirl.net. Your question may be answered in a future column.