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What do you have in common?

By Susan Hayden When I was a kid, I'd watch every episode of "Leave It to Beaver." I thought the Cleavers had the perfect home life. Ward would come home from work to a clean home, supper in the oven and a loving wife who had his paper, pipe and slippers waiting in her freshly manicured hands, while Wally was upstairs with the Beav, helping him through the grade school crisis of the week.

As an adult, I now wonder how couples of that era, like my parents, who married at a time when husbands worked and wives stayed home with the children, could have possibly made a marriage work. (Perhaps that's why the divorce rate began its climb.) What did they possibly have to talk about at the end of the day? Did June Cleaver really relate to Ward's head-splitting day at the office? Did Ward really give a hoot about June's pot roast dilemma at the market?

I'm not dogging stay-at-home Moms or claiming one-income couples don't have a chance at happiness. I'm simply suggesting that without some shared interests, you and your spouse may someday end up like one of those couples you see at a restaurant, sitting across from each other in silence with nothing left to talk about since the last child sprinted off to the college dorm.

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That's why when looking for that ideal partner in life, it's so important to find some common ground. Not just a similar religion or education, but a real connection in terms of personality, social interests and ideologies. Innate personal differences are often easy to dismiss in the shivers and goose bumps of a fresh romance — when you've finally found someone to share your dessert and your bed — but when you eventually wake up from the poppy field, you realize they don't bode well for a long-term partnership.

To help you begin formulating an idea of what you really want — and need — to share with your partner, here's a checklist (in no particular order) of questions that you should ask yourself before you begin your next long-term relationship:

1. What is my ideal mate's political position?

2. Are they loud and outgoing or quiet and reserved?

3. Are they a homebody or do they crave travel and adventure?

4. Are they independent or do they prefer companionship the majority of the time?

5. Are they neat and orderly or almost always in disarray?

6. Are they laid back or extremely intense?

7. Are there certain religious beliefs that must be shared?

8. Do you share beliefs, attitudes or hang-ups about sex?

9. How do both of you feel about having children? How many do you want?

10. How do both of you approach physical health issues such as eating, drinking and smoking habits?

Know what you're looking for now? You can peruse available singles at online dating services and quickly narrow down your search to just those matches who meet the must-have criteria you've set for your next mate.