His breasts are bigger than mine. Do I dump him?
By Coco Helado Dear Coco,For the past two months, I've been dating this guy who is very kind and sweet. We have a lot in common, and in many ways I feel as though I've found my soul mate. I've never laughed so hard with anyone, shared so many similar opinions or felt as though a man cared about me as much as I do when I'm with him. He's perfect in every way but one: He's overweight. I hate to sound superficial, but I have a hard time imagining myself having sex with him. I mean, his breasts are bigger than mine. Should I dump him?
— Squeamish in Seattle
Dear Squeamish,
My dear girl, for all you know, your super-sized lover is a sexual powerhouse. After all, there's a lot more to chemistry than skinny legs and six-pack abs; you could find he has an irresistible technique, agile fingers and other undiscovered assets. Maybe you'll find that your definition of "sexy" can be, well ... broadened.
I've seen skinny guys get fat and fat guys turn skinny, but I've never seen a nasty guy suddenly turn nice. Sexual attraction is an important component of relationships, but attraction to a person's character is what sustains the chemistry in the long haul. If you really think he's "perfect" for you in every other way but one, I suggest you keep an open mind. After all, weight can change; character doesn't.
Now he's dating my sister. Should I shut up?
Dear Coco,
A friend of mine always used to brag to me about how he would "do" women and then "dump" them. He was the kind of guy who kept lists of the "babes" he slept with. I didn't mind much about his behavior before, and I used to actually laugh at some of his stories. But now he's dating my younger sister. I warned her about his reputation, told her some of the stories he'd told me and insisted that she break it off with him immediately. But she told me to mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. What can I do to protect her?
— Furious in Fargo
Dear Furious,
You were right to warn your sister about this man's caddish ways. The guy is obviously a classless jerk, and you ought to be more than a little ashamed that you count such a tacky dude among your circle of friends.
But you went too far by ordering your sister to stop seeing him. You are not your sister's keeper. You have a responsibility to give her all the information that you have at your disposal, but she has to make decisions about how to lead her own life.
In fact, the best thing you could do to protect your sister from this cheese-ball scoundrel you call a friend is not to insist she dump him. Think about it: Your sister probably wants to date someone you don't like. Dating your "bad boy" friend is a way of defying you and rebelling against familial control. The "bad boy" probably sees it the same way. As a self-styled sexual adventurer, he likes to see himself as a rule breaker, a regular Don Juan overcoming all sorts of social obstacles to his conquests. The more you protest, the more they have in common.
It's time to turn your attention to your own romantic life; they'll sort out theirs a lot faster without your "help."
If you’ve got love on your mind, turn to International Love Guru Coco Helado for straight-from-the-hip advice. With advanced degrees from the University of Life and the School of Hard Knocks, Coco dispenses her counsel to tortured hearts and troubled souls. Ready for answers? Email your questions to askcoco@match.com.