Does she like your look?
By Matt Christensen Sure, you know what you like to wear, but do you have any clue what your date thinks of your look? With the help of three women and a fashion stylist, we put eight male fashion statements on trial. Which ones will live to see the light of day, and which will get locked away for good? Now rise…fashion court is in session!Meet the fashion police:
Caitlin, 30, retail, Kansas City, MO
Lauren, 22, marketing, Columbus, OH
Jane, 23, student, Brooklyn, NY
Maria, 27, fashion stylist, New York, NY
The look: Skull cap (aka: beanie, wool hat)
“I understand the relaxed vibe, but if the guy is older than 24, all I think is, ‘Dude, where are you going on spring break?’ I’d instantly assume dating you would involve lots of Fritos and Xbox.”
– Caitlin
“The best thing about the skull cap is that it’s a way guys try to make looking cool seem effortless. The problem is, they’re sweating like pigs because it’s 80 degrees outside.”
– Lauren
“That knit material reminds me of a hacky-sack, because it always looks frayed and dirty. That’s not a good thing.”
– Jane
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– Maria
The jury says: GUILTY! Unless you’re Vin Diesel or Nanook of the North, you really have no good reason to shrink-wrap your cabeza in warm-weather months.
The look: Baseball cap
“A lot of guys actually look cuter with a hat on. It really suits the younger crowd. But it can look strange on older men: What are they trying to hide under there?”
– Lauren
“These are fine for day dates, but a chronic display of baseball caps would send up warning flags for hair loss—and the guy’s embarrassed about it.”
– Caitlin
“Guys look hot in baseball caps. As long as you’re in a casual atmosphere like a sports bar or the park, go for it!”
– Jane
“I love guys in baseball caps. Just be sure to give your head a breather every now and then…”
– Maria
The jury says: NOT GUILTY! This fashion statement gets pardoned, thanks to its classic, casual vibe. But you and your cap should spend some time apart, too. Sure, the hat might be hurt, but it’s healthier for the relationship in the long run.
The look: Earrings
“I don’t think this is so bad. Sure, it may be a little ‘boy band,’ but a lot of girls secretly like that.”
– Lauren
“Earrings are OK, so long as they aren’t dangly. Specifically, the boy-band hoop earrings are atrocious. I went out with a guy who wore them, and it was like staring across the table at a pirate.”
– Caitlin
“Unless your name is Donnie, Joey, Danny, Jordan, or Jonathan, you shouldn’t be wearing one earring. Two is more acceptable, and only if they’re not bigger than a pencil eraser.”
– Jane
“Keep them a decent size, and you’re golden. But once they get too large, no matter how big the diamonds are, it’s time to rethink things. No girl wants a guy with ears like a beagle!”
– Maria
The jury says: SPLIT DECISION! Remember: You don’t want your jewelry to outshine your date’s. Keep your studs understated, and they’ll look cool. But wear earrings that are big and showy, and she’ll be asking, “Hey, where’s your parrot?”
The look: Phone clip
“Guys who wear phone clips should always set their phones to vibrate. It’s the only way they’re ever going to get any action.”
– Lauren
“These are a paradox. On one hand, they suggest that your pants are too tight to stash your cell phone in your pocket. But, on the other hand, the only guys who I ever see wearing them are also sporting ridiculously puffy, pleated khakis. Go figure.”
– Caitlin
“Every time I see a phone clip, I imagine the guy facing another corporate drone from the opposite end of a fluorescently-lit hallway ready to settle, once and for all, who has the quickest draw.”
– Jane
“This look makes women assume that you have 2.5 kids and a golden retriever waiting behind a picket fence in the ’burbs.”
– Maria
The jury says: GUILTY! Ditch the holster. Phone clips are the fanny pack of this decade, and deserve a home in the trash, not on your waist.
The look: Socks with sandals
“Anyone over the age of 10 should know better. Unless you’re making a concerted effort to remain in your parents’ basement until you’re 40, ditch the socks, or find some shoes.”
– Lauren
“This doesn’t even reflect bad fashion sense—it reflects a lack of fashion sense altogether. One guy actually came to pick me up for a first date in this combo. I’m trying to remember whether or not he was wearing a Hard Rock Café t-shirt, of if my brain just filled that in years after the fact. No, it was definitely a Hard Rock shirt.”
– Caitlin
“If your feet are going to be cold in sandals, why wouldn’t you just, I dunno…wear shoes?”
– Jane
“Does any guy still do that?!”
– Maria
The jury says: GUILTY! While the comfort level may be high, the blinding effect of bright white tube socks and Tevas will make sure you enjoy yourself sans female companionship.
The look: Ripped/distressed jeans
“If it’s a genuine pair of ripped, torn, well-worn jeans, then they’re totally sexy.”
– Lauren
“Ripped jeans fall into two categories. Either they’re legitimately ragged because they’re your favorite, or you’ve been instructed on what’s trendy and have spent $200 on pre-ripped, bleached denim. The former is fine. The latter is a jerk alert.”
– Caitlin
“Depending on the appropriateness of the ripped areas, these are all right. But, if there’s any visible indication of your bits, forget it.”
– Jane
“These will always be in style. A guy’s favorite pair of jeans is special. You know, as long as they aren’t acid-washed!”
– Maria
The jury says: NOT GUILTY! No real guy would ever throw away his favorite pair of jeans—even if they look like they did battle with a shredder. Thank goodness the ladies agree that they’re not only appropriate, but appealing, as long as those holes and tears were come by honestly.
The look: Popped (or turned-up) collar
“I’ve actually turned guys’ collars down for them. It’s a guy trying way too hard to be trendy.”
– Lauren
“Truth be told, I like this look. You have to be extremely confident to pull it off.”
– Caitlin
“If your neck is cold, wear a scarf.”
– Jane
“This is a trend that definitely got out of hand. But some guys can pull it off. It’s not going to make a guy incredibly enticing to me, but it wouldn’t turn me off, either.”
– Maria
The jury says: SPLIT DECISION! If you look like an Express Men catalog dude, feel free to pop away. You’re the person that the look was tailor-made for. But if you don’t have the confidence to rock the fashion statement, you’re best letting gravity style your collar.
The look: Sports jerseys
“Football jerseys are adorable on game day. But the basketball jerseys with white undershirts need to go. They remind me of my high school’s JV team.”
– Lauren
“If I met someone wearing a jersey, I’d immediately assume he’s a guy’s guy. He likes beer, dogs, and sports. That’s attractive. But, if he showed up for a date wearing one, I’d make him wait while I slipped into my sweats and flip-flops.”
– Caitlin
“Basketball jerseys are the worst. Nobody wants to see your armpit hair.”
– Jane
“If there’s a game on, a jersey is not just acceptable but encouraged. Otherwise, there really isn’t a good time to bring it out of retirement.”
– Maria
The jury says: NOT GUILTY! Rest easy, pal. You can hang on to that prized Bernie Kosar game smock. Just be sure to wear it on game day, and bench it during the off-season. And save the hoops jersey for, well, hoops.
Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and WWE Magazine. He’s single-handedly trying to bring back pocket protectors. For the other side of this story, read “Nice outfit!”.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.